Idea of the Memory
by Courtnylovesramen
Summary: Almost a year after Ohtori, can Utena and Jury help heal each other's wounds? And even if they can, can Utena leave an important part of her past behind? shoujou-ai content
1. Overture

Idea of the Memory Ch.1 Overture 

SKU BePapa's not mine. Story contains yuri blah blah blah. As of now I'm still unsure of exactly which way the main pairing is going to lead up to. I like both of them, but…oh well. Write reviews or I won't talk to anyone anymore.

* * *

_How many times will we brush by each other before we collide?_

* * *

For me, it was harder than for most people. I'd known about her for at least a month or so before I spoke up. Every morning at nine o'clock I'd watch her pick up raspberry filled powdered donuts and coffee and head off to her part-time job, which was located a block or so away from her apartment. Then from there she would search. It was a little pathetic, the effort she was putting into it. I didn't have to guess twice on what it was she was trying to find. At first it chilled me to watch her straining herself so much for something that she would never find. Looking for the miracle that would most likely never happen.

But, that feeling passed, believe it or not. My thoughts changed from anger to curiosity to appraising to even envy. That girl had a quality I never will. After so many weeks of watching her though, I couldn't get one thing out of my mind – why exactly was she trying so hard to find her? Friendship? Wasn't that the reason for her going up to the dueling arena that last time? "True Friendship"? It was urking. Just why did that Himemiya girl mean so much to her? It was like the moth to the flame, I suppose. I could've just gone up to her and asked, just could've gone up to her and demanded to know just how she kept going every day with the fact that her search was so far fruitless going around and around in her thoughts. Or were they? I had no idea what her thoughts were, really. In fact, I myself was becoming obsessed with her. Obsessed with the very idea of her, to be more exact. I needed to know why she was searching, and what she expected if she found what she wanted. What did she want? 'And why the hell do I want to know?'

* * *

It was hard to know where to begin. It was hard to know what to do. If I was going to look for her I was going to have to have means of getting around. Like a job. And a place to stay. Come to think of it, if I was permanently living somewhere, how was I going to have the time to find her? Was she looking for me? Heck, was she even in the country? It drove me nuts every day. The first thought I could remember having after Ohtori was that I needed to find her. I needed to see her again, to explain myself. I was no prince, and in the end I didn't save her. I needed to apologize. I needed….

"Gah! I don't know what I need!" Sitting up in "bed" (my couch), I popped my shoulders, stretching and loosening anything that could've been disturbed in the whole sleep process. I was gonna go for a run today, to clear my head. Bad dreams, bad dreams. Lately I was having more bad dreams than ever, for whatever reason. I couldn't get her out of my head. Or Akio-san. Or the other duelists, for that matter. What were they all doing? Did they remember me? Were they still…using her? Shuddering, I fell back onto my "Covers" (a single blanket bought from a thrift store for a questionably cheap price), wishing I had telepathy. It would be so much easier then, to find her. All I'd have to do was think of her and then…

"…."

Thinking of her definitely wasn't the hard part. I still had my ring. And my scar. Running my hands around my abdomen it was easy to feel. Even without my hands it was easy to feel. One solid slash straight through me. Such a perfect cut; no jagged edges at all. "….I have to log in to my first period…"

Oh, yeah, I took classes online for the rest of my high school years. Surprisingly, it was cheaper than actually going to school, and I didn't like the whole feeling of schools anymore. Any school reminded me of Ohtori. Any principal reminded me of the Chairman. But no one was there to remind me of Himemiya. She was unique; a single burning flower petal in my psyche. I missed her. 'After first period I'll take a break and go get some of those donuts again. And maybe some coffee. After school I'll start looking again….same as yesterday and the day before and the week before and the month before that.'

For half a year I'd been searching for her. In all honesty I didn't even know if I was searching right. The first two months I had to settle the financial situation with my parent's money and finding a way to somehow go to school while living on my own (I was only 15; not too many people were willing to take a 15 year old by herself as their tenant). After that some strings had to be pulled, such as lying about my age, to get a job. Now that I was on my own, the world didn't care about what I was set out to do. No one else cared that the other part of me was out in the world, lost somewhere. Searching in and of itself was hard. I pretty much went from pet store to pet store and flower shop to flower shop. I'm almost positive I've searched near everywhere in my prefecture looking for her. One thing that killed me was knowing that I might never find her. It killed me to think that she might still be in that red dress, pinning that white rose on someone else's chest. She might still be the Rose Bride. 'That's ridiculous…I mean, she wouldn't stay there, would she? She wouldn't keep…letting that happen, right?' Even if she was still playing inside her coffin, there wasn't anything I could do about that. I couldn't get back to the school. There were no records of it, no one knew about it and apparently there weren't any alumni. Which also brought me back to the student council members. Just what on Earth had gone on when I…left? And what was Akio-san-

"That's not really something I need to worry about at all. Not at all. Just don't think about things like that, think about…"

But everything brought me back to them – to her and her brother. My natural curiosity was spiked beyond reason. I wanted to know more, more about just what exactly was going on with the games and how they even started. And why I was used. After my parents died, he came and…well, "saved" me in a sense of the word. He brought me up to be a prince, if only a false one. Was that a coincidence? Was he just out on an evening constitutional when he just so happened to find an orphaned, easily susceptible little girl trapped in a coffin? Hard to say. I didn't really have the time to think about it as much as I would've liked; being out in the real world was so much harder than I thought it would be. As disgusting as it sounds, there were times I missed Ohtori. These times were few, rest assured. But still…

"Uuuugh! I have all seven classes today? What the heck? I'm not gonna have enough time to look!" I wanted to throw my car-sized old computer out of the window. I couldn't do seven classes worth of work! I had to look, I had to find her! I had the rest of my life, true, but "the rest of my life" didn't mean eternity. I knew of something that did mean eternity, maybe even more than eternity, but at the moment it was just beyond my reach.

* * *

I took a few steps up to the buzzer, put my index finger on it and jumped away like it was hot grease. I couldn't do it. Come to think of it, I didn't even know why the hell I was there in the first place. At Utena's place, that is. I'd circled around the place twice already, decided it was foolish and told my driver to stop and let me get out. Now I had been standing in front of her door for a few good minutes, trying to remember what in the world had gotten into me. 'What am I going to say? Why am I even here…?'

Because of what happened in that arena. That's why.

"…."

My own ulterior motives shocked me in a way, but after a while your shamelessness fails to be a bother. A long while. 'It's not like I'm some kind of peeping tom or disturbed person. I just need to ask her a few questions. That's all.'

"…"

It was a lot easier said than done.

Suddenly in a great "whoosh" that swept my curled bangs back in a flush, the door opened, and Utena Tenjou dove straight into me, carrying a huge gym bag. Straight into me.

"!…"

"Ah! Sorry, I'm sorry, but you were…standing in front of my door…" Utena looked up at me, the look on her face too much for words. Confusion? Surprise? Disbelief? _Relief?_

"Jury-sempai?"

"…Utena Tenjou."

Her jaw on the ground and eyes as wide as dinner plates, she was utterly speechless. The situation was just as bad as I thought it would be. She was probably going to ask why I was there, and in all convenience, my mind was completely blank. That look on her face had me astounded. 'The last duel. The time she dueled me for the final time. And Ruka. And Shiori. What about End of the World, and the Rose Bride? So many things, but why can't I speak?'

There was a pit in my stomach. A huge, gaping, throbbing, _pit._ What must've been three seconds stretched to eternity and beyond. And then further, just for the sake of tormenting me.

"-Excuse me-"

"-Excuse me-"

The look on her face suggested she wasn't going to initiate anything. Great, so it was up to me. I was expecting that to happen in the first place, so, okay. I just needed to get it out before she had the chance to deny me. From what I remembered of her she wasn't the type of person to straightforwardly ignore someone, but then again, a person can change in almost a year. "Look, Tenjou, we need to talk. About Ohtori."

"Ohtori? Why would you want to talk about that. Especially after…"

Anger. An expression of acute pain, and then anger, flashed through her face. Apparently I had to tread lightly.

"It's not what you're thinking. If you'll listen, then good. But if you don't then I'll leave. Will you talk with me? This is important."

'Never mind about how I know where you live or whether or not you'd be home or if you'll be busy today. Never mind that. And never mind my sweaty palms.'

"As soon as possible. Now, if you're not busy. It's important."

She didn't say no.

* * *

I was pretty much out of breath, feeling every molecule of cold air stabbing the hell out of my lungs. If this wasn't so important I would've given up by then. I didn't have a car, so I had to bike. My bike chain was broken, so I had to walk. I was anxious, so I had to run. In a way the fact that I was so pushed about getting there immediately gives me a sense of pride; or more like a reason to be prideful. I don't like to admit it, no one does, but I am prideful. When it comes to certain things, anyway.

I made a promise to her. I promised I'd protect her and be her friend no matter what. I ended up screwing up in both departments, but oh well. That didn't mean I couldn't make up for it now.

"Himemiya! Himemiya!" she was only a stride away, so close I could see the violet waves of her hair falling around her shoulders, so close I could reach out and touch her.

"Utena-sama?"

"Himemiya! I –!"

I woke up.

* * *

Lolz, chapter one finished! Thanks to positive feedback I've been writing a lot more. Yayzerz. So, really, I don't have much to talk about. Other than the fact that Kyoya/Tamaki is effing awesome. Oh yeah, After School Nightmare is effing awesome too. Go buy it 'cuz I say so. 


	2. Rose is Rain

Ch.2 Rose is Rain

Ah, all of the title names in all my Utena fics are title names for the songs, btw…in case anyone was wondering. And, the question that's been haunting me, _what to do with Nanami?_ I've been debating whether or not to have her show up in this chapter, and decided against it for some Jury angst instead. Yaaay…. And, for the record, shiori _did_ join the fencing team, check out the last ep.

* * *

"Have you heard?"

"Heard what?"

"About Arisuguwa Jury!"

"What about her?"

"Well, you know that locket she keeps under her uniform? I've heard about whose picture's in it."

"Really? Who?"

"You won't believe it! I've heard…"

The rumors weren't what bothered me all that much in the end. Those kind of things were pretty irrelevant to me; just petty teenage drama. But that was the problem – just because it wasn't hurting me didn't mean it wasn't hurting someone else. The first day was alright; the rumors themselves seemed to be put to an end once I got to the source, most of the time freshman just wanting to get my attention or point fingers at someone else. "I don't care which one of you started this or why, but _stop_. Rumors affect academics. As a member of the student council I can't let you keep doing this, regardless of what they are."

What utter crap. "Regardless", indeed. I wasn't doing this to keep up the academic morale of Ohtori; it was mutilated beyond reason - I was acting purely on instinct. 'Shiori can't hear about this. She can't know.'

Shiori wasn't built up the same way I was; she'd bend and break and snap under the pressure. Then she'd blame me.

'It's not something that's her fault' I remember thinking after hunting down the rumor mongers one by one. 'She just cares too much what other people think about her. This isn't really all that big of a deal. Doesn't change anything.'

"…"

I've always been a liar, especially to myself. I was lying through my own teeth and eating it up like an idiot. It _was_ a big deal. It _did_ matter to me. I wanted Shiori to know how I felt without having to tell her myself. I couldn't tell her; the ground we were on as "friends" was still to thin for me to do anything like that.

"…."

'I want her to know. I want her to feel the same.'

I was still too much of a coward to act, though, and ran like a scared mouse from person to person snuffing the rumor out.

* * *

"Jury, I can't! I can't do this!"

At seven A.M., right before first period, Shiori's fencing foil was flung at my feet, rattling and clanging like some mythical beast. It rolled a whole three times before colliding with the toes of my shoes, a soft tap barely audible.

"You what?"

I only asked to try to get her to calm down; I knew what she was going to say and I knew what that meant for me and my worn-down expectations. It was over.

"I can't, I just can't! I quit the team! I don't want…don't call me anymore. Don't visit, don't look at me, don't even think about me!"

She was hysterical – yelling, crying, practically tearing her hair out in agony. I couldn't change her mind now, I could only cling on for the ride and hope to get through it. If I had any dignity left, that is. I considered myself a relatively changed person since Ruka, and wasn't about to just give up without at least trying.

"Shiori, are you talking about -?"

"The rumors, _the rumors_! Every day people are talking about me like this is something I want!"

A little piece of my resolve shattered.

"I don't know if this is something you started –"

Another piece destroyed.

"- But this needs to stop. I can't be like you; I can't be some emotionless husk and not care about what's going on around me!"

I might need to explain just what exactly had happened between Shiori and I since I gave up being a duelist and since I saw that first miracle up on the dueling arena so many months ago. A long story short, I talked to her.

No fits, no games, just talk. I asked her just what she was expecting to gain with the so-called "miracle" of the victor, and…things kind of went from there. We started to talk more, she joined the fencing club – for a while it seemed like we were back to how we used to be.

"Seemed" is the key word; any little thing was likely to set her off. According to Miki I was being used, and it wasn't really hard to see that might've been the case. I couldn't bring myself to sever from her again, so I bore down and took it. In my heart I was sincere but on the receiving end of her bitterness. We were both looking to fill a void with each other, and I thought that I had "grown" since quitting the duels. It was supposed to make me a better person. I don't regret trying to make amends with her – for her sake. Even if her renewed "friendship" was forced, maybe if I tried hard enough I could change how she saw our relationship. Maybe I could make her feel something more, maybe she would have the same feelings about me.

"I'm sorry Jury! I can't do this!"

"…."

In the end, the only thing "changed" about me was that I was no longer walking up a nine story tall staircase searching for some cheap miracle. Not literally anyway.

* * *

"Well…Jury-sempai, I don't really know what to say."

She was serving tea in measuring cups and a crazy straw cup. On one hand I was holding back a grin, on the other I was a little worried. Living alone in a one-bedroom apartment drinking out of plastic cups (and a measuring utensil) seemed a little, well, incredibly _depressing._ From what I understood, though, she and I had lived different lives up until then, so it's possible how she was living wasn't really that much of a bother to her.

'…I can't believe I'm drinking tea out of a chipped measuring cup…'

"Jury-sempai? Are you -?"

"Just Jury, please. We aren't in school; I'm not your sempai. It's uncomfortable to hear."

"Sorry."

I was waiting for her to start – it wasn't that I didn't know what I wanted to say, just how I was going to say it. My mind was running in images and memories, not words.

"I was just going to say that, well, I don't know what you want to know about what happened. Certainly not what I…not what I was expecting. I didn't really know what I was thinking, really, just not that."

"What did it feel like?"

Again, the look she gave me had me fighting back a grin. She hadn't changed too much.

"What did what -?"

"Riding in the elevator next to her for the last time. Seeing her for the last time. What even happened up there? Where is she now?"

Utena frowned and shook her head suddenly, as if brushing off my questions. "Jury-sempai, what makes you think that was the last time I saw her?"

"Where is she now, then?"

To get to the point – the fact that she attempted to brush me off with such ease aggravated me. I wasn't a spoiled princess like Nanami, but I was used to getting my way, at least to a certain extent. It's not like my retaliation was supposed to _hurt_ her – it was just my way of getting back at her indifference towards me.

Little did I know it _did_ hurt her.

* * *

The first time I saw them was the day I transferred out of Ohtori to go to the school my parents graduated from, which was a few miles away. I woke up, rolled over, and there they were, sitting right next to my face, gleaming in the sunlight. Needless to say it was more than a little disturbing. Did _she_ put them there? If so, how in the world did she get into my room? I wasn't really thinking of that, though, the only reaction I could think to do was to smack them away from me, screaming bloody murder. I heard them hit the ground and scuttle somewhere on my floor before I threw my covers off and jumping out of my bed, shivering all over at the thought of those _things_ being next to me.

"Eeeh, get them out get them out!" I was not overreacting by the way. Any sane person would've done the same thing. If they were any old pair of glasses it wouldn't have been so weird, but they _weren't _any old pair of glasses, they were _hers_, and it was beyond creepy. Why my room of all places?

"I'm not in the mood for this right now…I don't have time for – Oh my God where are they?"

After looking under my bed and in every other corner of my (boxed up) room, the creepy translucent glasses were nowhere to be found.

"I need to go to sleep. Need to sleep. _Really _need to sleep."

* * *

Yeah, I know, another short chapter. The Nanami thing seems a little rushed, but it's necessary. Truth be told, this whole thing is kind of ad-libbed. Btw, "Legend" is finished already, I just have to type it (I handwrote it like four months ago). Review or whatever, tell me what you think. 


	3. An Inversion of me and my Room

Ch. 3 An Inversion of me and my Room

Ugh. Sorry, so sorry, about my crappy updating lately. Second semester of senior year…having to do this "schoolwork" thing. Ugh. Anyways, yes, all the duelists will show up, but a few of them won't be very story-important. Also, please don't email me asking for "the down low" (as someone put it) on what's going to happen. In all honesty, I don't know any more than you do. I'm totally making this up as I go. I never plan any of my fics; they're all ad-libbed. 

* * *

"Shiori, at first, thought I was only friends with her because I was looking down on her. She thought I kept her around to spite her because she wasn't as 'great' as I was. Whatever that's supposed to mean."

"…."

She sat across the broken down "coffee table", stirring her tea in the chipped measuring cup, listening to my rant without complaint. Without saying anything, actually. This was the fourth time I'd shown up like that – just coming by to talk, that is. I knew eventually she would ask just why I was showing up and how I even knew where to find her in the first place, but for some reason she wasn't asking. She wasn't even hinting. She just listened.

"That wasn't the case though, far from it. I'm not a 'great' person. I never was. I kept Shiori around because…"

I stole a glance at her and found her looking at me intently, the expression behind that impossible to read. I wasn't used to being taken for anything beyond face value. It took a little getting used to.

"I kept her around because I loved who she was. I loved her shyness and her innocence. I couldn't get enough of her. I suppose I became…_obsessed. _It was impossible not to think of her. She was everything to me. I thought I meant something to her, too. It seemed that way. But in the end I guess not. She was so self-conscious. I wasn't using her. Even though in a way I _needed _her it wasn't manipulation. I wanted her around to make _me _a better person."

I don't really remember how I was expecting her to react, or even if I was expecting her to react at all. Really, I'd never spoken to anyone besides Miki about Shiori, and even then I was a lot more selective about what I mentioned (it was Miki, after all).

"I understand how you feel" she said, grinning to herself like a child who'd just heard something they're not supposed to find funny. "I understand. You felt like you couldn't be the person you wanted unless you had her with you, right? Like she was your…reason? Inspiration? Something like that. Sorry, I have no idea what I'm saying anymore. I can relate though."

She went back to looking down in her undisturbed tea, grinning like a kid.

"…."

I bet she could relate. Himemiya was probably her "ticket" to that whole prince façade she was aiming for. That wasn't really something I could understand. From what I knew, I was the first person she'd told the whole prince story to besides Himemiya. Right person at the right time I guess. But really, the "prince" was an image not easily escaped from. How was that working out for her, who'd lost her ticket for reasons unknown? I wanted to know. I _needed _to know.

But why I didn't know.

"I don't understand you" I blurted, trying to lure her in with my gaze, "I never did, even then –" 

"I don't understand myself much either" she said quietly, "but then again I don't really need to. There's someone out there who knows me well enough."

Honestly, her optimism was almost sickening. How could she think like that?

"You know why I'm here right?"

"To deepen the bonds of friendship?"

"…."

"I know, I know…but really, you're the one who's going to have to deal with me. So far I haven't asked just why on Earth you want to talk to me _now,_ and how you even knew where I lived, right?"

"True."

She laughed a bit, apparently forgetting she was twirling her tea around and spilled it in her lap.

"Huh – whoops. I spilled."

"I can see that."

"Do you still talk to Miki-kun?'

"What?"

"Miki-kun. Do you still talk to him?"

I shrugged, leaning back against the couch that probably doubled as her bed, seeing as how there were only two rooms and I doubted she slept in the bathroom.

"I suppose. We still spar, and he does visit from time to time."

"Time to time?"

"He goes to an all boys school. And apparently Kozue monopolizes whatever time he has left."

Another small smile graced her lips, making me wonder if the subject change was made to put me off. The tea was still soaking into her lap.

"I never understood why you two were friends" Utena murmured, putting her "cup" down on the table. "Miki-kun's such a proper and nice person. N-not to say that you aren't – it's just…"

"I'm a 'scary' person?"

"…No…"

"Liar."

Our eyes met above the table and she burst out laughing, flopping down on the floor and rolling around like an idiot. "I can't tell if you're trying to be funny or not! You're a hoot!"

'She's going to bother the people who live downstairs' I thought nervously as she kicked her feet and openly pondered my dry humor.

'And it's not dry…'

"You're always so serious! You act like such an egoist! Ha ha!"

"I'm right here you know. Plus, your shorts still have tea on the crotch. You look like you peed yourself."

"Jury-sempai, why are you looking at my crotch?"

"….I'm going home."

"Wait, I was joking! I kid, I kid!"

The commotion ensued, she changed her shorts and made more (strong) tea (she wasn't very good at it). We talked about what my new school was like and her part-time job as one of those people who went door-to-door selling bibles. "I'm not so much into the religion, but it's salary pay, you know? Plus, I get a lot of garden gnomes for it."

"…You're stealing garden gnomes?"

"Only from the houses of nonbelievers." 

"…."

For the first time in a long time I spent the whole day smiling.

* * *

When the phone rang my face was plastered to my computer desk with drool. I ended up swinging my head up too fast and hurt it, then fell over while trying to stand up and get the phone. "Damn it! Who the heck calls someone at…Oh God, it's 3:15? Jeez…I shouldn't have stolen those gnomes…is this karma? I need to return them…ah, shut up, shut up, shut up, phone!" 

Really, why did I even bother with the phone? It wasn't like anyone ever called me anyways, so –

"Hello? What?" I snapped, forgetting it wasn't really the phone's fault (my grip was a little too rough). 

"Utena?"

"Jury-sempai?" I asked, my tone softening (a little). "Why are you calling me at the Devil's hour? That really creeped me out. I thought it was 'cause I watched that one movie, you know; where you die in seven –"

"I have someone on the other line for you, okay? Don't hang up, okay?" 

"…Uh?" My bad mood returned instantly – why was she setting people up to prank call me at three A.M. for? 

'I'm not in the mood for this…' I had to work the early shift the next day, and on top of that do math classes. Math was my worst subject. 'Does anyone like math? No. What a dumb subject…I don't need to know the quadratic equation to get by in life –'

"Utena Tenjou?"

I was so surprised I almost dropped the phone. I hadn't heard that voice in so long, I really didn't think I'd ever hear from him again. Not at 3:15 – I mean 3:17 in the morning.

"Miki-kun?"

"Uh, yes."

"Why are you calling me? Where's Jury-sempai? What's going on? Are you still in Ohtori? How'd you get my number -?"

"Utena, we're on three-way. And stop talking so much; he can barely speak" Jury-sempai sighed, sounding just as tired as I felt. I probably was going off too much but still…it was Miki-kun! Why was he calling me?

"Utena?" he started again hesitantly, as if prepared for another outbreak.

"Yeah, I'm here! What's up, Miki-kun?"

"You guys, I'm going to bed. I have school tomorrow" was all sempai said before hanging up. I was going to complain that I was tired too (I think that's why she hung up so fast) but didn't get the chance.

"What's wrong with her?"

"We've been on the phone since ten."

"Huh?"

It was past three twenty. I was tired and would be busy all the next day. Seeing as how I'd be exhausted from school and work I wouldn't have time to look for Himemiya. 'Hm…'

"Utena? I don't mean to sound like a snoop or like I was going behind your back but when Jury-san and I were talking Himemiya came up and –"

Mind lapse.

"I think I could help you."

"What?"

I'd just been given a reason to talk to Miki-kun for the next few hours.

* * *

ugh. well, that only took a few months. sorry im so slow...im failing algebra...i thought i was doing good in algebra...oh noes...

anywho, nanami will show up soon...eventually...before saiyonji does anyway


	4. Belladonna no wana

Ch. 4 Belladonna no Wanna

Yay, a chapter actually done! Go me! Well, it's like 10:30 and I have school tomorrow. A smart person would go to bed but….

Ah, I bought the first Strawberry Panic light novel. It was pretty bad, to be honest…everything went by too fast and all the pairings were completely random. Kinda like a bad fanfic.

* * *

"…Her crown?"

I was sitting up in bed/couch with the phone nearly plastered onto the side of my head. Miki-kun said he could help, but, still…

"Yes. Sitting on my piano yesterday night. I knew what it was immediately, of course, but really, what was I supposed to do with it?"

"Did you throw it away? Did you keep it?" I asked, leaning forward eagerly as if he were actually in the room with me.

"I, uh, kept it, but you're kind of missing the point. What was it doing there in the first place? I called Jury-san to ask her about it, and she said to call you. Honestly, I'm surprised she was in contact with you. I didn't know about it…"

"…."

I was stunned. Himemiya's crown? In Miki-kun's house? He said it wasn't there earlier in the day when he cleaned the piano, and the room it was in connected to his room, so there was no way someone could've sneaked in without him noticing.

'But, then again, why would someone break in and leave that there? Who would have that?'

Akio-san?

"…."

My mouth had gone dry. I felt sick. Would he really try to mess with me that way? Or was this directed at me at all? What was going on?

"Miki-kun, are you sure it's her crown?"

"Absolutely. I'm holding it in my hands right now. It's either the same one or someone did a good replica of it. It's surprisingly heavy…is this brass?"

I was so tired. 'But, wait a minute. If someone left that there they must know that Miki-kun was a duelist, so they must be someone we all knew…right? Or what if it was Himemiya? I don't think she'd do something like that though. And how'd this person get in through Miki's room and unlock this door?'

"Utena? Hello?"

"Huh? Sorry, it's just…really early in the morning."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I was just a little worried, especially after Jury-san said you were –!"

He cut himself off, saying something about his head hurting.

"Well, I can talk to you later, okay? If it's too early?"

"What about me? What'd she say?"

"Nothing, nothing…I, um, have school tomorrow too, and –"

"Miki-kun!"

"Good night. Morning. Talk to you later."

"…He totally hung up on me…"

* * *

It was four when I got off the phone and tried to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about the crown, though, and what Miki-kun and Jury-sempai were hiding from me. I couldn't stop thinking at all, really. What if Miki-kun's crown discovery really could help? Was Himemiya looking for me, too? Was she okay? Would I ever find her? 'Gah. So tired.'

It was five when I fell asleep and ten minutes later had to wake up for work.

* * *

I took an hour-long shower after getting off the phone with Miki (and Utena I suppose). When I woke up from the total four hours of sleep I'd gotten, I realized that Miki was a much better person than I was. 'In a lot of ways. I should be ashamed of myself…' I couldn't stop thinking about that stupid crown. Why did Miki automatically tell someone about it? 'It's not like it's a big deal. Just because it was in his house doesn't mean anything.' Yes, I was a horrible person. Unlike Miki, I didn't have any plans to speak up about my…_discovery_ I guess you could say. In fact, I'd kicked the dumb thing out numerous times but it – he – kept finding his way back, no matter how many windows I shut and locked. 'It must be my mom who keeps letting him in. Says it's _cute_.'

As I got out of the shower the Morning Shrieks began again, two rooms down. "I didn't invite you here!" I yelled over the sound of my blowdryer. "If you can't wait to eat go somewhere else!" There was another loud "CHU!" before he shut up for good. Really, it was creepy how he seemed to be able to understand me. That dumb thing was nothing but a bother. He kept me up all night with his crying, he ate all my food…'He's a monster. Thinks he can disappear for days on end and then demand food. Such a pain.'

"Chu!"

"Be quiet, already, I'm curling my hair! Shut up!"

Deep down inside part of me was telling myself to tell Utena about it, to speak up, but that was a very deep part of me. The same part of me that said Shiori wasn't right for me, and that I was digging my own hole.

I tended not to listen to that part of myself very much.

* * *

I was sent home from work due to "negligence". Well, I shouldn't have used the quotes – I really was being negligent. I'd fallen asleep twice when I'd gone to pick up more books to deliver, and then passed out again on my way back from a customer's house. So, it wasn't too surprising when my boss had gotten sick of it. Well, I shouldn't have used the words "Sent home from work", 'cause I'd been fired.

'Ugh. This sucks. How am I gonna pay rent? Gotta get another job…and I still have school stuff to do.'

Not to mention I hadn't had any time to search for Anthy, which was depressing, more so than my loss of a job (which didn't even pay that well). I could find the time to get another job, but could I find the time to find her? Was time really of the essence? 'I'm so _tired. _I just won't do any classes today.' Which meant I'd have to make it up over the weekend, just like last week.

Really, I was considering quitting school, seeing as how it wasn't really a priority of mine. 'But I need a lot of money to be able to go more places to find Anthy. I need college to make more money. I have to finish high school to go to college. This sucks.'

I ordered a hot sweet potato from the vendor, cursing myself immediately afterwards for spending money when I'd just got canned.

'Jury-sempai can't know about this…she'll try to give me money. And, knowing her, I'll give in eventually. Crap, this thing costs a lot more than I thought! I could've bought more fish with this money! Crap!'

For the rest of the day, I walked around my neighborhood in a daze. It was only ten o'clock-ish, so I could've easily just gone back to bed. 'I'll call Miki-kun again after he gets out of school and talk to him some more.' He said he'd look around his area for anyone who could've possibly seen Anthy, and we both agreed he'd have better luck, seeing as how (unlike me) he actually had a picture of her for others to go by. "Come to think of it" I mumbled, biting off another piece of my expensive sweet potato, "why does he still have that picture? Does he still like her?"

'….'

It shouldn't really matter, right? Before I didn't care if he liked her; I mean I actually encouraged any kind of relationship with a non-Chu Chu organism for Himemiya. "If it didn't matter then it shouldn't matter now" I said to myself, although in all honesty it wasn't really convincing. 'What does it matter? He's helping me find her – that's what matters. Although…'

I didn't even know if she'd left Ohtori. That was the most hurtful thing. After half a year of looking for her it was starting to dawn on me – I might never find her. She might never have left Ohtori. What if she's still the Rose Bride, still pining a white rose to a Victor's chest?

My mood was getting worse and worse as I thought more about nothing, and my sense of direction was completely out of the window; I wasn't in my neighborhood anymore. "Damn! I'm lost…and this dumb potato doesn't even taste good for how much it costs!" I had the right mind to throw it aimlessly into the crowd of people, but suddenly –

I walked headfirst into an armful of orange and white flowers, almost plowing down the person holding them.

Had this been any other day I most likely would've apologized or something, but any other day I would've had at least an hour of sleep (and a job).

"Watch where you're going!"

"Watch where _you're_ -! Oh. Utena."

It was Jury, standing on the sidewalk in clothes that looked more like she was supposed to be riding in a car to a dinner party than…walking around on the sidewalk.

With an armful of flowers.

She started to apologize, saw me eyeing the flowers, and tried to relocate them behind her back, even though they were still awkwardly visible (and clashed with her black blouse and slacks).

I started to apologize, heard the snide remarks people were making as they jostled by (through) me, and blushed like crazy, for whatever reason.

Instead of moving out of the way, we both stood there looking at everyone and everything that wasn't each other.

It felt like hours. Maybe it was hours; my concept of time had been pretty much shot since I'd started my Himemiya hunt almost a year ago.

Point was, though, that I was still blushing and she was still cradling the flowers behind her back, murmuring to herself.

I had to resist the urge to fade into the background and die.

"I…am not in school today" Jury loudly declared, tossing her hair in a nonchalant way that really showed how embarrassed she was. "I'm skipping, or whatever. I mean, I had things to do…"

She stopped there, considering the statement she'd just made. As far as I knew, she didn't live anywhere near me. It was hard to imagine what business she'd have in that area.

'Or how she even knows where I live in the first place…'

"So…are you not working today?"

Opening my mouth to talk was like prying open a rusted door. My jaw was pretty much locked. What I meant to say was "No, sempai, I'm not working today because I was laid off and am also considering not doing my classes today because I'm so incredibly depressed", but all that came out was "Mhnhhhnfhgh."

Which wasn't really the same thing, when you think about it.

"Well…" Jury-sempai said, tossing her hair again (causing for spectators), "since I'm not in school…and you're not working…it is still morning…"

"Ah, but I was thinking about going to the sale at CheapMarket and buying some croquettes."

"…Ah. Well then…some other time…"

She stepped back, flapped the flowers (which kind of looked like a peacock tail, now that you mention it), turned slightly, and looked at me again before saying "if you need to talk or anything…you know my number."

"Yeah."

By this time she looked utterly shocked, her eyebrows raised and her mouth slightly agape, holing the huge bouquet of flowers down at her side.

"Goodbye, then."

"Bye!"

Still looking as if she'd been struck by lightning, Jury-sempai walked slowly and gracefully – a little too gracefully; as if she knew she were being watched and was trying to look oblivious – away into the crowd, standing out with her gigantic array of floral products.

'Wonder what's wrong with her…'

You've got to understand, I was in a particularly bad mood. No job, no Himemiya, no sleep – my mood was reasonable. So, at the time, I didn't even realize how much of an idiot I was being, even though it was disgustingly obvious. I didn't realize was she was just short of pounding into my head. I didn't even realize why my face was still warm, or why I still felt giddy.

'Must be lack of sleep…'

Yeah, my idiocy was more than a little frustrating to think about now…

But, then again, I'd been more naïve in the past.

And I missed Himemiya then, at that moment as I turned away from the image of Jury fading into the crowd as I walked back home without a thought.

I missed her a lot.


End file.
